Wednesday, May 08, 2019

Exilium

I have been absent for over a month. I did not write even though all hell broke lose in Caracas, and the ridicule of many an item should have been inspiring.

But something happened.

I came to France to recover from my grief, to attend an aging parent. I was supposed to be back in Caracas on May 2.  Now I have no idea when will that be.

During a medical check in February my MD asked to do an extra test and I did it one month later while in France, thinking it to be more reliable than in Venezuela. It was positive and I was immediately submitted to a shock chemotherapy.  Doctors thought my health still good enough to risk it.  It has been tough and it is just starting.

I have been in a daze. I am trying to sort out the pieces of my life, from being a widower; to be sick, going though losing all my home references. One thing is to be in holiday in France, another to have to live here for an undetermined amount of time. I am far from home, far from my kin and friends, far from my work, far from my dog, far from my books, my memories, my life.

Exile has been imposed on me because I cannot be treated in Venezuela for my condition. Having a French health insurance and relatives here where I can stay as needed may allow me to heal and to come back to Caracas intermittently, and maybe some day permanently if treatments become available again, not something that will happen as long as these murderers remain in charge.  They are murderers. They have taken away years from Ivan's life.  My parents have had to leave. I have lost most of my property, savings and income.  What is left is to survive, no golf retirement for me.  And all my memories, the mementos of my life, are left behind, just as if I had to run away for dear life. I am an exile and I could not even chose to become one, I was forced. Like a movie cliche what I have left is Ivan's wedding band with me and a picture on my night stand.  I do not even have the option to try to forget my grief by looking for a job that I could not hold.  I am an exile, a refugee and perhaps now a lost soul.

I have joined the Venezuelan diaspora, and it is not easy. We all have a choice to make, a cross to bear, be it on a Colombian freezing road or shallow breathing in a doctors office in a country that you though also yours but that in the end may have not been yours as you thought it was. You do realize that truth the day you know the country of your soul has been taken away from you.

I am not complaining, it is useless and unfair to many.  After all I do have a French passport, I can support myself simply but I can,  I have access to one of the best and most humane medical systems in the world. I am not alone. Yes, I am sick but the first results of treatment are already promising.  Compared to most my fellow Venezuelan exiles one could argue that I have it easier than most. And yet, we all have our hearts broken and we all know at what time they broke it.  We have we our before and after.

I will need lots of rest, lots of peace, I will be often very tired for days. As I get used to my new situation I suppose that Venezuela watching will help.  I will write if I can. But it will not be the same thing. My ethics will forbid me to write on Venezuela off handedly as I have seen the past week.  We are a bad show and outside of Venezuela all think they know better than us. Already I feel I am missing so much, no matter how much Twitter I may do (and write).

The fight goes on.







34 comments:

  1. Praying for a speedy recovery of your health.

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  2. Dios te de salud.

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  3. IslandCanuck2:04 PM

    Hopefully things improve for you Daniel.
    I've had to forgo chemotherapy due to it's unavailability here in Margarita.
    So far so good 1 year later.

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    Replies
    1. why in gods name are you still there?

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  4. All the best Daniel.Hope you can return to a less troubled Venezuela soon and in reasonable health. Cheers Bob Carey

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  5. Get better please. Recover, the battle awaits you and Venezuela!

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  6. Anonymous5:30 PM

    Love to you, Daniel. I am so sorry this has happened and so sorry about the way it has happened. My heart breaks for you. {{HUGS}}

    ~ Patty

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  7. Sending love to you, Daniel.

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  8. Boludo Tejano7:12 PM

    Praying for your strength and for a good outcome. This article from the now comment-free Caracas Chronicles,Venezuelans Abroad Are Now Victims of Political Appropriation, prompts a question. Have you encountered many- or any- Chavista PSF in your recent time in France?

    IMHO, one reason for stopping comments at CC was in reaction to some comment threads being taken over by PSF.

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    1. I reside in a small resort by the ocean. There is no incentive for any chavista to hide there; not even an Insoumis from Melanchon. Even pesky yellow jackets are a far distant plague. Not all can be negative in my life.

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    2. Milonga5:00 AM

      Glad to hear this, some good news after all. Best place to recover your health and energies. Take care of yourself. We’ll be thinking of you and hoping for the best. We need you!!!! Big hug, all my love.

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  9. So very sorry to hear of your illness; sincere wishes for a speedy improvement and return to the country you love and where you have fond memories. I (as many) miss your commentaries on Venezuela - I will think of you often. Victor

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  10. Dear Daniel, we are all going for a speedy recovery for you. The same also goes for Venezuela, but in that case the treatment is harsher than chemo to get rid of the cancerous chavistas

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  11. Anonymous12:03 PM

    I hope you have a speedy recovery. Please focus all your energy (and rest) on this challenge. It's not an easy one, but it's fortunate that you have the means to treat it.

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  12. Bon courage Daniel. Be strong.

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  13. wishing you the best of luck and complete recovery. we need fighting men like you to keep the barbarians at bay and shed light on the terrible situation in Venezuela for all to see the two faced evil lurking in the dark. Get well and come back to the trenches.

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  14. Charly3:18 PM

    So sorry to hear that, I wish you a complete recovery, they say the French medical system is one of the best. As with Venezuela, we are all left with our eyes to cry.

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  15. Anonymous6:49 AM

    Welcome to the club

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  16. hugs, and wishes for recovery. Been there, I guess still there though nothing showing.

    May I strongly suggest, zero milk products ( hard in France with all those wonderful cheeses ), because milk encourages cell splitting ( thus ideal for newborns but terrible for you and I ), and no 'added' sugar ( body needs some, obviously, but cancer feeds on the stuff, so...least possible ). Other thoughts that might help, when eating, always have two or three choices of food available...for each meal...Chemo can make eating 'strange'; thus if one food upsets, have others right there to switch to. Also, am of the opinion that some light exercise, even when feeling rotten with chemo, is good for the body...and the spirits. Oh yes, one more thing, I drank only distilled water during chemo.....I was taking cisplatin ( plus others ), derivative of a metal salt, and felt lowest mineral content of blood would be least interference. Probably silly, but no negative to distilled water during chemo, could be huge positive, and not only for cisplatin....just change back to regular water a few weeks after end of chemo. I'm now 4 years later, and still, no milk products, no extra sugar, max reasonable exercise.....and so far, healthy ( had stage 2, muscle invasive, so very fortunate ).

    Daniel, wishing you all the luck, and good doctoring, in the world. My suggestions may sound bizarre, may be bizarre; I offer them to you because I believe they helped me. As we say in the stock market, do your own due diligence.

    Finally, and again, hugs from one of the many who care.

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  17. Dont waste your time with Venezuela anymore. Guaido was clumsy and failed. The people and the armed forces got used to the new normal, the cubans were swift with the social engineering for that.

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  18. Haven't been on the same page as you on many issues, especially U.S. Politics, but your blog has been a log on the Venezuelan disaster that will hopefully help future Venezuelan generations know what NOT to do. I wish you a quick recovery, rest, abd always the best.

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  19. Daniel, all the best, get well soon. We need you. With devils excrement we already lost a great blogger. If you need help just post it. Best regards from Germany Hans

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  20. Javier Delgado5:16 PM

    Am I the only one who noticed that Daniel mentions chemo but not cancer? I found that odd.
    Everyone assumes it is cancer but chemo is also used for immune system disorders and it is not that far out to think that Daniel may be at risk for immune system disorder.
    Anyways, good luck.

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    Replies
    1. Why odd? Am I supposed to report on all the gory details?

      It is cancer alright; and as it is the case with most cancers the immune system is compromised during chemotherapy. Though certainly the extent of the impairment can vary according to the nature of the treatment. But there are always side effects and immune system troubles are one of the most common, if not the most. On the good side, if you must know, I am not expected to lose my hair.

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  21. I feel bad for your dog..... couldn't you get him out?

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  22. Having the strength of character to openly express free thoughts in the Venezuelan minefield strongly indicates you can deal with the challenge at hand. A speedy recovery for you.

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  23. Also my sorry for you. Recover soon! All the best from Germany, youre not alone!

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  24. Humberto La Roche11:39 AM

    Llevo mucho tiempo leyéndote. Mucho. La mayor parte, coincido contigo en tus opiniones. Alguna rara vez, no. Hasta conozco tu voz por las entrevistas en NPR. Te deseo lo mejor.

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  25. Un abrazo. Que te mejores, pa'lante.

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  26. Boludo Tejano, long time no see. Saludos!

    Daniel, i am truly sorry for all your pain and trials and hope one day you can return to your beloved home once again, healed of all illness.

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  27. I was away many years from the Venezuela tragedy, i followed you sporadically, even liking your spirit and soul.
    Vary sad to know how things has evolved for Ven and for you, and how harsh is your present.
    Ijust want give you all my human appreciation and a big wish for your health,
    Keep Going, Daniel!

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  28. Daniel gracias por todos los artículos que llevo leyendo por años de la Venezuela que perdimos y que sigo, como tu ahora, añorando desde lejos. La vida continua y eventualmente la situación cambiará. Que te mejores pronto y que algun dia podamos volver a ver lo añoramos de lo que fue ...... Bon courage mon cher ami, Carlos

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